So I've started this blog post six times thus-far and I just cant figure out how to begin this entry. I kinda have a lot to say, but no format so it's probably going to look like a scene from the movie "Jumper." Who care's? I need to get over myself, no one reads these rants anyway.
First of all, I went to my ward super-activity, in St. George.. which consisted of hiking, hiking, a little bit of swimming, and more hiking. We got there and they wouldn't even let us light a camp-fire, so that means I had to cook my s'mores (which is really the only thing I like about nature anyway) over the stove. I wasn't necessarily looking forward to it, but I've had great experiences with ward camp-outs in the past, so I went. Of course, it turned out wonderful, and the next week's testimony meeting was more of a "I know the super-activity is true" than anything else, which was pretty hilarious.. and probably really boring for all of those who didn't attend.
Anyway, really truly though, my feelings have changed completely since going. Suddenly, the idea of going to a "ward prayer" or an "FHE" doesn't repulse me. I had honestly thought I was done with being involved. Who wants to hang out with a 29 year old when there are like seventy cute, peppy, gung-ho 19 year olds to choose from? I know, but it's really what I thought. You just get to a point, where you feel passed-by. What I'm realizing instead, is that all this time, I have really been the one passing by all of the experiences I could have been having. Because I was afraid to take a risk, or to step outside of my comfort zone. This must be why the prophet says to get married pretty young... because we are still a little flexible, and the older we get, the more we get in our own way, and its difficult to step out of it.
Today at church, we had an area authority visit: Elder Summerhays. When I left the meeting, I had the same kind of feeling I get when I eat a really good gooey chocolatey brownie, with a scoop of ice-cream and fudge on top. I just felt... satiated. He just had the Spirit with him, and when he testified about how God is perfect in His promises to us, and that he will bless us with "every single promise in our patriarchael blessing, and every righteous desire written on our heart" in his perfect time, and way. I just felt that witness that it was true, and I felt I was on the path. I haven't felt that for a long time, which is odd considering I've never been "inactive" or even calling-less. Then tonight, I went to ward prayer, and (of course) had such a great time. I can feel us becoming united, and it is a good thing to feel you have people in your corner.
We are going on a huge date-night activity called "The Amazing Race"tomorrow. In times past, I just want to run in the opposite direction as a "pre-set date night," but for the first time in... ever... I'm just looking forward to getting to know someone new, and I feel relaxed. Not nervous, not feeling pressure, just feeling joy in being myself, and trusting God that it's enough.