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Saturday, May 28, 2011

"When you know better, you do better..." -Oprah Winfrey quoting someone else

Well, its been a challenging week.  I wish I could say that it was challenging because I ran a marathon like all the other cool people in Ogden.  For me, I am running my own race right now, and it has nothing to do with sports.  

I sold my car.  My sweet little Toyota Corolla, and I gotta say, I was a little emotional.  It was my first big-girl purchase, and so for me to give that up, for some reason, was difficult.  I think, more than that though, the reason its difficult is that not only is my life broken for myself to see, but for all the world to see as well.  I sold my car to pay off the loan, so I can free up the $244.00 to pay off stupid, consumer debt that I have accrued. Its not a ton of debt, but it's enough that I feel trapped in my own life for a while.

The cool part of the story, is that when I was pleading with God last Tuesday, for a plan that will help me accomplish my goal in my time-frame, the answer came directly, and quickly for once.. "Casey, sell your car."  So when I put it up on KSL on Saturday evening, Sunday get the call, Monday the buyer came and took it, I should have been happy and relieved, etc, etc. Instead I felt broken, and naked.  Beyond naked, actually. Stripped down to the bare bones of me. There is no longer a beautiful, red, reliable, vehicle to hide behind.  My last asset, gone. (Other than my bedroom set.  Is that an asset?? )   Now, its just me and God.  Well, me and God, and the Ulrich's who let me borrow one of their cars for a couple weeks until I find a clunker that will get me through the next couple of years.

The good part is, I can feel my heart changing. I see things differently now.  They really are JUST things.   And that bare bones of my identity?  It's here for the building.. and this time it's being built on something more sturdy than a Corolla. I can visualize my vision for my life slowly unfolding. I can SEE a plan for my future, and the plan I see is good.  I can feel my Heavenly Father being pleased with my choices to follow Him more closely. I can hear Him saying, "Yes!  See? I told you, I am here. You finally decided to depend on me, now watch your life become what I have promised you it would be!"

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