Another Mother's Day, come and gone.. and this makes seven said I said goodbye to you. Something happened this year though Mom. Laura asked me to be on church duty for her kids since she was going to be gone in St. George, and as they were up singing their usual Mother's Day medley tribute, the pang I felt, that I usually do feel... well it wasn't for you. I found myself feeling the loss of NOT being a mother myself. Not that I didn't think of you, because I did, and I do.. every day I still do. But, my heart feels ready for this massive responsibility.
The other day we had a horrendous child abuse case at work, and I lost it for that patient mom. It's not fair that there are people out there in this world that will hurt God's precious little ones, and yet others, who are good, and loving people don't have the opportunity to raise children of their own. Oh, well. Add that to the long list of "life's not fair because..." right? I remember when I would say "That's not fair!" You would say, "Life's not fair Casey!" It's not. It's not fair that I had to say good bye to you too early. It's not fair that Annie has delays, or that African children never get the proper nutrition or education. Its not fair that people get murdered or raped, or that people's homes get destroyed by horrible weather conditions. Its not fair that some people don't have to watch their weight, or that some people are blind, or deaf. Its not fair that the 90 percent of the worlds wealth is in 10 percent of the population's hands.
But you know what is fair Mom? That God gave us this beautiful world to live in.. with all its massiveness. There is so much to appreciate on this earth... From Moab UT, to Victoria Falls Africa... and every little flower and mountain, and tree in between. Today it rained all day, and although my soul aches for sunshine and warmth after all these months, I know it will make this place more green and beautiful so I find myself being more patient about it today.
You know what else is fair? That all of us will have a day of reckoning with our Savior Jesus Christ. One who loves us perfectly, and can understand all the "its not fairs" with a true understanding, and Who will make it right by us, if we just do our best. Today in Sacrament Meeting we sang the song "Carry On" and while I thought at first, "hmm.. this is a strange song to sing on Mother's Day" at the same time, I felt encouraged.. I felt like that's what God would be saying to me right now.
Casey, carry on. And so I will.
I love you. I love you every minute of every day. And I thank you, for being an incredible Mother. And if its possible, please watch over of my future little ones, until its time for them to be mine.